Lyric of the Week: SPLIT PERSONALITY

I’m the King

I’m the Boss

I’m the Godfather of rock’n’roll

I’m a rabbi

I’m a priest

I’m your friendly Old King Cole

I’m the President

I’m the Ayatollah

I’m a commie capitalist

I’m a patriot

You shut up!

I’m really an anarchist

Well, most folks look in the mirror and see themselves

I take a look and I see somebody else

‘Cause roses are red

Violets are blue

I’m schizophrenic

And so am I!

I’m a murderer

I’m a madman

I’m a killer on the loose again

I’m a warrior

I’m a fighter

I’m Mr. Peace Man, why can’t we be friends

I’m Caesar

I’m Attila

I’m Napoleon Number Seventeen

I’m insane

No I’m not!

I’m just a bit obscene

I better cut my hair soon, I’m beginning to look like my other self

Maybe I should see a shrink, but all the others are beyond help

‘Cause roses are red

Violets are blue

I’m schizophrenic

And so am I!

I’m a man

I’m a woman

Maybe I’m a bit of both

I’m straight

I’m gay

I’m a flasher in a long leather coat

I’m a lover

I’m a hater

I’m a celibate casanova

I’m just a guy

No I ain’t!

I’m none other than Jehovah

Now all of us, we’re gonna have a monologue

And then me and myself, we’re gonna have a dialogue

‘Cause roses are red

Violets are blue

I’m schizophrenic

And so am I!

‘Cause roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And so’s maple syrup

I’m schizophrenic

And so am I!

©2025 The Hesh Inc.

Now all of us, we’re gonna have a monologue; and then me and myself, we’re gonna have a dialogue.

A riff on the old "roses are red" joke I first heard in the 1970s, written during my army service in the 1980s. When I read it to some of my bunkmates, they questioned whether I was in fact in my right mind. Musically, it's a mishmosh of Van Halen and Shlomo Carlebach ... I'll leave you to figure that out in your imagination. Never recorded or performed, though banged out on the piano numerous times.