Lyric of the Week: WAITING THERE

here we are two years gone by

with no senses of direction or place

time will do anything but fly

our souls and talents put to waste

through many doubts

and knockabouts

and living without each other

across the empty space

you look for me

so questioningly

you can’t always see

where the end will be

but I will be waiting there for you

another summer will be gone this way

with none of the adventures we used to share

a lesser lover would have gone astray

in search of escape to somewhere, anywhere

it becomes very hard

to stay on guard

and not discard each other

and take temptation’s dare

but I’ve waited before

through peace and through war

through rich and through poor

through desert to shore

so I will be waiting there for you

so run down south till the land runs out

and deadends at the concrete ship

in the brilliant sunset we’ll pay off our debt

and seal the deal with our lips

I will be waiting there for you

it’s hard to fathom that this will pass

when you’re caught up in the thicket of your everyday

your endurance often reaches critical mass

and the system doesn’t change no matter what you do or say

we’re paying the cost

since our paths rarely cross

and it feels like we lost each other

hope barely shines a ray

through endless years

of anxious fears

of stifled tears

you’ll persevere

as long as you do

what you know to be true

you’ll make it through

you’ll be renewed

and I will be waiting there for you

so drive all the way east to where the boulevards cease

and the sandspit runs into the bay

where the mystic morning begins its new dawning

and chases the mad night away

I will be waiting there for you

I first wrote this in the late 1990s, when I was still married to my second wife and living at the Jersey Shore. She was pursuing her medical degree at the time; we lived in Ocean Grove during the second two years at med school, for which she managed to arrange to take most of her classes at one of the Monmouth County hospitals. It was something of a halcyon era for us; our home in the Grove was like our little love nest down by the sea (which I wrote about here), even though medical school in general is a trying experience for the student and for the significant other. My lyric expressed how I was holding on strongly and faithfully, and how all would turn out great in the end. However, it didn't turn out great in the end. Once she finished her residency (a harrowing experience in and of itself, also for both parties involved), we moved out west, hoping to rejuvenate our life together, which by then had become moribund. But she found her means of rejuvenation elsewhere (which I wrote about here, among other places) and we ended up getting divorced, just over a year after we arrived on the West Coast. In my long recovery process from that cataclysm, I rewrote the lyrics, expressing how I was still holding on (at the time) even though doing so was ultimately foolish and pointless.

Here we are too many years gone by

With distorted senses of direction and place

Time did its best to up and fly

Our souls and talents put to waste

Through many doubts

And knockabouts

And living without each other

Across the empty space

You turned from me

So disingenuously

You couldn’t always see

Any future with me

But I stood there waiting there for you

Another summer gone this way

With none of the adventures we used to share

A lesser lover would have gone astray

In search of escape to somewhere, anywhere

But it became too hard

To stay on guard

And not discard each other

And take temptation’s dare

But we’ve waited before

Through peace and through war

Through rich and through poor

Through desert to shore

So why weren’t you waiting there for me

As I stood waiting there for you

But if you run down south

Till the land runs out

And deadends at the concrete ship

In the brilliant sunset

We’ll pay off our debt

And seal the deal with our lips

And I’ll still be waiting there for you

Like a faithful fool I’ll be waiting there for you

I will be waiting there

Like a useless tool I’ll be waiting there

I will be waiting there for you.

Was it so hard to fathom that the bad times would pass

When you were caught up in the thicket of your everyday

Your endurance reached that critical mass

And nothing would change no matter what we’d do or say

We paid the cost

Since our paths barely crossed

And we ultimately lost each other

Hope couldn’t shine a ray

Through endless years

Of anxious fears

Of anger and tears

I thought we’d persevere

I believed we could do

What I knew to be true

We would make it through

We would be renewed

And I would be waiting there for you

But you, you weren’t waiting there for me

But all the way to the east

Where the boulevards cease

And the sandspit runs into the bay

Where the mystic morning

Begins its new dawning

And chases the mad night away

I’ll still be waiting there for you

With no regret or disdain I’ll be waiting there for you

I will be waiting in vain

After all that you did I must be insane

But I, I’ll still be waiting there for you.

All lyrics ©2024 The Hesh Inc.

Like a useless tool I’ll be waiting there

Musically, I was influenced by a "modern gospel" song being sung by a contemporary-Christian act in the tabernacle on the boardwalk in Ocean Grove as I walked by on a late summer afternoon when we still lived there. The message was really irrelevant to me (for reasons known) but the singer sang something to the effect of "I know he will be waiting there for me," meaning heaven, and that stuck in my mind. I walked back to the other end of the lake to my house, where I banged out the musical idea on the piano, repurposing the "waiting there" theme to be about my wife and the situation we were in. I played it once on my full keyboard rig at a private gathering not long later, an atmospheric mix of piano, organ, and string synth; she heard it and the message got through. That was a moment that gave me hope that things would in fact get better. However, they didn't, and not long after I rewrote the lyrics, I had the opportunity to make a demo at a musical colleague's home studio in the San Fernando Valley.

The first version of "Waiting There" originally became part of my Soul In Exile opus, but that was before my marriage went aground and before I had any opportunity to record it. After the rewrite, I put it in my projected JRZguyinLA album, which tells my story about moving my whole life across the country and then having it blow up all around me. As it is now, I'm not quite sure where it will end up, but it will probably be released in some form or another. (As it happens, I am no longer waiting for her. I have since gotten remarried and life has gone on. Sic transit gloria mundi and all that.)